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Inane_Dork · **Posted:** Mar 09 2010 5:10 pm

Do cheaters deserve closure?

Entroper · **Posted:** Mar 09 2010 5:24 pm

Closure is kind of a BS term. It's people waiting for something to happen, and using the fact that something hasn't happened as an excuse for not moving on. And the "something" can be defined and/or redefined, at will, to be whatever that person wants to happen, no matter how unreasonable.

DngrsDrrn · **Joined:** Sep 06 2002 1:22 pm **Posts:** 8981

Inane_Dork wrote:

Do cheaters deserve closure?

I don't believe they do.

Remy · **Joined:** Mar 27 2003 1:00 pm **Posts:** 6826

DngrsDrrn wrote:

Remy wrote:

I actually like Chris. He kind of sounds like a nice guy other than breaking up with his girlfriend on the radio. So, Ashley confessed to cheating on him on and off with the guy for 5 years!! 5 years!! That is just amazing. However, several people still support her for being the "victim" of this guy. Amazing.

Let's not forget that the poor guy, who says he had absolutely no clue she was cheating, bought a ring, and was all excited, only to have his good friends witness his girlfriend messing around with another guy. What a punch to the gut.

He does sound like a nice guy on the air, but who knows what kind of person he is normally. I have to say that it sounds like he is a pretty good guy since Ashley was crying in happiness at the thought of marrying him. That being said, I have no respect for cheaters whatsoever. I've been cheated on, and I know how it feels and it's one of the worst feelings ever. Part of me is like "hell yea, Chris!" but the other part knows that revenge is a dish best served cold. Had he just said "I know you cheated" and then kicked her out she would have spent the rest of her life dealing with it and would spend a lot of time to figure out just how he knew, when he knew, why he knew, etc because she never got closure.

I see what you are saying, and I completely agree. As I said before, I would never, ever go about it the way he did. I would never even consider it. However, in my cruel mind, I enjoyed it. I was cheated on, and it was one of the worst things ever. I didn't see it coming. I had no idea, and it just broke my heart in the worst way.

Remy · **Joined:** Mar 27 2003 1:00 pm **Posts:** 6826

Inane_Dork wrote:

Do cheaters deserve closure?

No. No, they don't. Not in my eyes. The girls at work and I had a discussion about this topic, and they think I am to extreme. I understand what they are saying, but I do not agree.

MBB · **Posted:** Mar 11 2010 12:55 am

It's amazing to me how many people have cheated on others. Every study I've looked over has had some pretty staggering numbers.

Part of it just makes me that much more determined to be The Ultimate Nice Guy™ whenever it is I find a girl worth the amount of work I'd put into a relationship.

The other part wonders if there's merit to the evolutionary psychology model where humans are not meant to be in monogamous relationships for 20+ years. That kind of seems like where we're going as a society, especially if you look at the divorce rate. Not to defend cheaters by any means, as I think they're horrible, but I can understand on a more "primal" level why a lot of them do it.

CloudyPrison · **Joined:** Mar 31 2003 6:10 pm **Posts:** 4055

(Warning: Coffee has not been consumed yet...)
Even if we're not meant to be monogamous, people should still be up front and break up with someone before moving on to another partner. Grow a pair and drop them.

I, like MBB, have also tried to be The Ultimate Nice Guy™. Although, I do believe it has something to do with your own dating history. I'd have to say once I suffered my biggest relationship disaster, I strayed from the 'light' side of dating and went about dating multiple people at once. I 'justify' this by saying I never made any indication that I was monogamous or that I was looking for anything serious.

You could say that has an aire of cheating to it, but I also didn't date many girls for very long either. No, it wasn't a 'hit it and quit it'. It was a, lets try out dating for a bit, if this girl isn't someone I'm interested in, we'll part ways. That, I think is whats missing for a lot of this cheating relationships. The deception that the relationship is being something long term, while one of the parties is searching elsewhere.

Remy · **Joined:** Mar 27 2003 1:00 pm **Posts:** 6826

Cloudy, that isn't the same thing as being a cheater. I was in a relationship, a serious relationship, for 4 years with a guy. We were absolutely exclusive. One night, he was out drinking, met up with a girl friend of mine and cheated. They left together right in front of other friends of mine. I found out 2 days later by a friend that witnessed it. THAT is cheating. That isn't just not being exclusive.

MBB, I agree. Be the ultimate nice guy. I am would say that I'm the ultimate nice girl. Nij doesn't need to worry I will cheat. However, I am much more guarded than I was before my now ex-boyfriend and ex-good friend chose to stab me in the back. Don't be paranoid, but don't be a sucker, either.

Entroper · **Posted:** Mar 11 2010 5:56 pm

MBB wrote:

The other part wonders if there's merit to the evolutionary psychology model where humans are not meant to be in monogamous relationships for 20+ years. That kind of seems like where we're going as a society, especially if you look at the divorce rate. Not to defend cheaters by any means, as I think they're horrible, but I can understand on a more "primal" level why a lot of them do it.

Humans are barely-controlled walking bags of raging hormones and emotions. It's amazing to me that we're able to function in a highly structured society at all. Obviously, that's no excuse for cheating, violence or whatever, but I think it helps people a lot to realize their biological disadvantages, so that they can face them. Things strangely have a way of becoming slightly easier once you admit that they're hard.

CloudyPrison · **Joined:** Mar 31 2003 6:10 pm **Posts:** 4055

Entroper wrote:

Humans are barely-controlled walking bags of raging hormones and emotions. It's amazing to me that we're able to function in a highly structured society at all.

I made a similar observation last weekend after we finished watching Master and Commander.

The Navy has such a rigid system of control because the balance of order and chaos is such a small one.

Entroper wrote:

Obviously, that's no excuse for cheating, violence or whatever, but I think it helps people a lot to realize their biological disadvantages, so that they can face them. Things strangely have a way of becoming slightly easier once you admit that they're hard.

I always felt that using scientific evidence of humans drive to be polygamous as a cop out for people who cheat. "Well, we're supposed to be with as many partners as we can be, so it's not my fault...its evolution!" But we also have logic, reasoning, and CONSCIOUSNESS at our disposal...

Quick Kick · **Posted:** Mar 12 2010 3:21 pm

I cheated on my wife in Sims 3.

Remy · **Joined:** Mar 27 2003 1:00 pm **Posts:** 6826

Quick Kick wrote:

I cheated on my wife in Sims 3.

I admit, I am a huge cheater in the Sims games. My little Sims just could never be trusted.

Entroper · **Posted:** Mar 12 2010 4:31 pm

CloudyPrison wrote:

I always felt that using scientific evidence of humans drive to be polygamous as a cop out for people who cheat. "Well, we're supposed to be with as many partners as we can be, so it's not my fault...its evolution!" But we also have logic, reasoning, and CONSCIOUSNESS at our disposal...

Yup. We evolved hormones, fight-or-flight, emotions, etc., and those served us well enough when we were slaying woolly mammoths and clubbing our mates over the head to drag back to the cave and impregnate. But we wouldn't have become the dominant species if we hadn't also evolved brains.

CloudyPrison · **Joined:** Mar 31 2003 6:10 pm **Posts:** 4055

Quick Kick wrote:

I cheated on my wife in Sims 3.

I just let her go swimming and then pulled the ladder out....

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